Why me?

I know why me. Cause I let it happen. I let people take advantage of me. You know why? Because at the end of the day I would rather help someone that may not actually need it, than refuse help to someone who might. That's what lets me sleep at night. And really, that's what makes me me. And before anyone else gets all righteously angry on my part, I WANT to. What I don't want is people to get angry on my behalf & make me feel terrible. Cause I am not going to stop. I know its a choice for everyone & I don't think everyone should be like me. God forbid, cause this life would get boring. I'm not saying being taken advantage of is a good thing. I'm just saying it works for me. And that is a choice, decision, whatever that I ask respect for.

It's Fair Time!

The local fair is a big deal in my life. Like take all the major holidays & double it & you might get a little close. This is mostly due to the fact that my mom runs the thing. And I help a lot. I'm even a 4-H leader. Which is fun. I love helping the kids.

What is not fun is the fact I run on fumes. C & I have barely talked other than to check that the other is still alive. I miss him. & I miss the fun we have. Oh well, waiting for it will make it that much sweeter! :)

dot dot dot...

I love ellipses. (or however you spell it). They signal there's more to come. And that's so beautiful. No story is ever totally done. No tale is ever totally woven. There's more to it. "And they lived happily ever after...". And just cause you don't know for sure what comes next doesn't make it any less beautiful. It's up to you. And your imagination.

Just like life. Your story isn't totally written yet. My fairy tale sure as hell isn't over yet. There's a lot of life to be lived in those three little dots.

(oh the ponderings that come out of bedtime stories, lol!)

It's hard

to know what to do. To know when to submit. To know when I'm submitting because I want to & it turns both of us on & all those other good reasons, & when I'm submitting from some random fear. I  know rationally that I have nothing to fear. Those things in me that others have mocked, C celebrates. But it's always hard isn't it, to break that pattern. And yet, I will. If it takes me the rest of my lifetime, I will stop fearing what doesn't need to be feared.

When I was a little girl, I was the "scared" child. I had irrational fears out the wazoo & fear became acceptable to me. No longer. I will only be afraid of the really scary stuff--like spiders & public restrooms.

And just like that...

C's parents are in town, because he was supposed to have a custody hearing this week. So needless to say there's been zero "play time". We were casually i.m.ing while he was at work today, and somehow the subject turned to punishments, out of nowhere. And just like that, we somehow managed to have some play time later :)



yayeeeeeeeeeeee!!

I hate...

C's soon to be ex wife. and what she does to him. and his son.

Feels so right...

Last night, I went to a Corks & Canvas party...let it be said that I have no talent for painting. Although it turned out kinda cool. C & I talked on my way home. Just idle, how was the party, how was your evening type stuff. He's working on some big computer thing for work. I honestly have no clue about computers, but it makes him so happy to talk about it, that I can't help but smile and listen. Anyway, I got home & climbed in bed, and ...yeah. All of a sudden, computers weren't so important :). It will never cease to amaze me how quickly I cum after he says the three magic words "cum for me". And then he drops the bomb, he's planning on playing with orgasm denial. Really C? Really? But whatever the man says :) I love his kind of evil.